(Kind of) agnostic

I haven't been to church in years, and each day I think I grow more and more free. Spiritual exploration has been wonderful for me, though I've come to few conclusions about what I now believe, and I'm satisfied with what I feel I can say for certain.  

Firstly, I have realized that, in this lifetime, I will never have definitive knowledge of what does or does not exist in this universe. I will never know if there are deities or spirits, or an energy source that unites all living things. I would certainly like to know, but I'm human and part of that condition is to be in the dark, and simply believe in what I feel is true. 

Because we can never know if what we see is all that exists, I think that atheism, secularism, and humanism are the most logical belief systems. That being said, I don't think I will ever stop playing with different ideas and religions and possibilities in my mind. It's in my personal nature to seek spiritual understanding and connection, and regardless of what is real and true, I will maintain belief in what brings me comfort. I believe that I am more than flesh and atoms and chromosomes, and I believe that there is something sacred and powerful out there that I hope I will come to know one day, in another life. 

When people ask what my religious beliefs are, I say that I am agnostic, that I don't know. It's true, but it's not the whole picture. It's a massive painting for me, and I will keep painting it until the end of my days. 

A rejected belief

Since I left Christianity, I have read up on many belief systems that I have found interesting, including Hinduism, Wicca, and atheism. Up until recently I thought I had covered all my bases, but then I remembered that I had never considered researching Islam. I suppose I had reason not to explore it, since I knew it was similar to Christianity (monotheistic, oppressive, and then there's ISIS), but the thing is, I am fascinated with Judaism. God with no son! How does that work? But then isn't Islam like that? Jesus isn't their savior, but they all have the same god.   

So, after a marvellous discussion about the three faiths with a close friend, I downloaded The Holy Quran app and have read a small portion each day since. It has been riveting, though I wish I could read the Arabic text to see what was lost in translation. So much has probably been lost in the translation of the Torah and the Bible over the years. Such widespread belief of ancient texts, and no original copies, silly religious culture. 

The Quran has a strongly Biblical tone. Same god, same prophets, same promise of heaven and hell. It's so freeing to read a text that no one in my life follows, that few people from my background likely have read. I don't believe any of it to be true, but strangely, it has struck me as being holy, somehow. I suppose all religious texts are, because that is what people believe them to be. We create what gives us comfort, and build our lives upon it.